Cease Repining!

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Cease Repining!

My husband has been attending the Wednesday 12 Step Program, and I have been attending the weekend support program.

Today he just wasn’t getting ready to go. Five minutes before it started I finally asked, “Did you remember group tonight?”

“Yes” he replied, “I’m on my way now.”

Should I have just let him skip it? How much good can it do if HE doesn’t want to go?

I really want to believe that if he just gets there – even if he is late – there is still a chance some good may come of it. There have been Sundays in my life where I didn’t feel like going to church. Sometimes, though, if I just drug myself in the door it was very worth it. I want to believe group is like that.

Tonight, however, I feel like he only goes to group because I want him to. After he left I checked the app on my phone to see if he was really there. I know! I know! In the words of Jack Nickolson, “Where’s the trust?”

My husband was at group (flood of guilt). Wait. He also left work two hours early? What is THAT about? (Sigh!)

My husband is a new employee that is walking a fine line, partly because of his addiction. Unnecessary time off is a point of contention between us because he needs to show his boss he is committed to employment, and he needs to demonstrate to his family that providing for them is a priority.

Which is worse… He didn’t mention he was taking time off without pay again because he didn’t want me to be frustrated… Or he didn’t plan on taking time off, but had a crappy day and left work early so he could have an extended late porn lunch with his iPad…

Now is the time for me to think positive! Even though he hasn’t mentioned his afternoon yet, maybe something legitimate came up. Besides, group is almost over, and I need a cool head before he comes home.

“Be still, sad heart! and cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining.”

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