Wearing the Mask of Normal

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When I accidentally discovered my husband was addicted to pornography, I wanted to go back to bed for a very long time. Unfortunately, our blended family has five kids, I manage the office of a local utility company, and I teach the 3-yr-olds on Sunday. Who has time to languish?

Every morning I get up early for prayer and scripture reading with the family and pretend that everything is normal. I try to breath and let go during yoga. Before work the mask is back on. I wear it so well my boss recently complimented my performance and gave me a raise.

After work we are all busy with homework, sports, music, chores, dinner, life. My most perceptive child no longer lives at home, so no one… not even my husband… knows how much I’m struggling… until I go to group and bawl my face off.

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I want to rip off the mask for good and scream ‘I married an addict!’ I want everyone to know so none of us have to keep secrets anymore. I know most of our family and friends would support him in his recovery. If THE SECRET wasn’t secret anymore we could talk honestly about the danger of pornography with our sons.

If fact, I want to sponsor come clean Sunday! Everyone can wear a white shirt with their favorite sins penned in red. None of us are perfect. Why do so many of us pretend to be? When people ask us how we are, why do we always say ‘good’? I am absolutely certain that my husband is not the only man in our congregation that is addicted to pornography. Why can’t Christians all support each other so no one has to wear a mask? Why are so many Christians still so quick to judge?

Obviously I need to relax…

Let GO and Let GOD…

(putting back on the mask…)

 

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7 thoughts on “Wearing the Mask of Normal

  1. You’re so right. God tell us there is healing power when we confess our sins to each other. And yet we so seldom do this! It also leaves people like you (and me) feeling lonely and isolated, instead of encouraged and supported. I’m so glad you have found a couple of safe places in which to take your mask off. May God uphold you with His merciful, gentle, and strong right hand.

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  2. Is your husband attempting any type of recovery or is he still actively using?
    Why haven’t you told your husband of your pain? If he’s in recovery this would be incredibly helpful information. I didn’t find out about the depth of my wife’s pain until we were separated. Don’t let your situation get that far.

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    • He is attempting recovery. I have expressed my pain. Unfortunately, he is somewhat desensitized to human interaction. (I don’t know if that is a result of his addiction.)

      It is difficult to address our problems because if he feels tension, he relapses:(

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      • Desensitization is pretty typical. Porn itself makes the user see others as objects and that takes a long time to get over. So try and cut as much slack as you can on that. He’s a sick man and support and any understanding you can give will help him a lot.

        I assume the 2 of you are in counseling (hopefully individual and as a couple) and that he has a sponsor.

        I had to force myself to reach out to my sponsor the other night. I was about to relapse. It saved me for at least that night.

        Obviously I see things from his point of view, but I’ve started to understand my wife’s viewpoint now as well.

        This really sucks, but if you two really live each other, it’s worth going through hell to get to heaven.

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  3. Very brave of you. Pornography these days is one of the biggest problem societies are facing.
    I too wrote an article addressing the correlation of Human Trafficking and Pornography and common myths about it.
    Our Ironical Passion against human trafficking http://srivastavapallavi.blogspot.com/2014/05/image-courtesy-httpblog.html

    Have a look and share it as much as we can, because we all know how crucial it is to spread awareness.

    Liked by 1 person

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