Jesus in the Office

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Something I figured out along the way is the word of God brings peace.

As a young mom, when I wanted to strangle my children, more scripture study helped me be less aggravated. When I fast if my focus starts to slip, I listen to hymns.

The company I work for has one volatile employee who yells when he is angry/frustrated/not-getting-his-way. I pretty much steer clear of him a much as possible.

Christian music is my genre of choice in my office, and car, and home ( if the kids don’t beat me to the radio…)

Today at work when said employee started screaming about a technician… I turned what my family calls my ‘Jesus Music’ volume up. The company owner stopped by my office and inquired, “Is that How Great Thou Art?” I smiled and replied, “Yes.”

Maybe someone will file a grievance for being subjected to Christian music in the workplace. Frankly, I’m tired of being subjected to the most offensive profanity. If a person uses the Lords name in vain in the workplace, shouldn’t I be allowed to sing praise to The Lord?

Clearly I need more ‘Jesus Music’ today 🙂

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Father’s Day Fantasies (Rated PG for Sexual Innuendos and Vocabulary)

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This year for Father’s Day I gave my husband what almost every husband always wants. Let me go back…

This spring I discovered my husband was addicted to pornagraphy. He is in recovery, attending group twice a week, and he has told me his sobriety date…

Since he has been sober, his longevity in our bedroom playtime has decreased a little. I believe this is because he is not master-bating like he used to. The truth is, as long as we are both satisfied, I don’t see this as a problem.

Father’s Day morning when I surprised him, he was very pleased, but for the first time in weeks his longevity was more like it used to be. I know there are many physical or emotional reasons he could last longer. I, however, began to panic. Did he slip and not tell me? Is he struggling in his recovery? Is he too afraid to tell me?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know that these kinds of doubts are driving me iNsAnE!

Is it possible to ask for reassurance without hurting his feelings?
Is this a ‘let go and let God’ thing?

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Till Death Do You Part… Unless You Are One of the 50%…

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My daughter recently became engaged. On the outside I said, “congratulations!” On the inside my heart skipped a few beats.

Ever since I discovered my husband was addicted to pornagraphy, I have been learning all I can. I have read on various websites that 70% of men 18-24 visit pornographic websites each month. As a mother, I want to protect my daughter! How do I ask her, “So, have you asked fiancĂ© how often he looks at porn?”

Since my husband has not felt comfortable sharing his addiction with friends or family yet, my daughter doesn’t know. I am back to the point where I just wish he would tell everyone. It is one way to find out who his true friends are.

This week his parents came to dinner and asked if we were coming to the Father’s Day party next weekend with extended family at five. I confirmed we would be there, but would leave at 6:30 because we had a meeting at 7:00. Apparently his parents noticed from Mother’s Day and Easter that we have a lot of meetings Sunday night. When his mother inquired what kind of meeting it was, I looked at my husband at the BBQ on the other side of the sliding glass door, looked back into the faces of my dear in-laws that I love, and replied, “You don’t want to know.”

Sunday’s and Wednesday’s are group days. He goes to the addict group. I go to the support group. Do his parents want to know? Maybe. Does my husband want them to know? Probably not.

So we will continue to play this cloak and dagger game. I will pray for my husband to have the courage some day to be honest with the people who love him.

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It’s All About Triggers… And I Don’t Mean the Horse

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So in a brave attempt to communicate I asked my husband if he would please share some of his triggers with me.

Let me back up. The previous weekend we worked in the yard like plantation workers in early southern America. This weekend, when I inquired what we should do on Saturday he replied, “Not work in the yard.” So we played and shopped and after dinner sat down in front of the television to watch an old 80’s movie that had a pretty fleshy lovemaking scene. I had forgotten about that point in the plot. 

Instead of my usual eye-rolling-totally-unrealistic attitude, I was completely panicked. What if this caused my husband to relapse?

 I gritted my teeth for another 30 seconds and the movie moved on. I didn’t. I sat there wondering what triggers the need to view pornography for my husband? image
So the next day I asked him.

I did not like his response: When we don’t make love often enough.

I kept a calm expression, apologized for not feeling amorous as often as he does, gave him some pointers on physical invitations that are guaranteed to get some action… and never mentioned how much I disagreed with him. 

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I believe we turn to addictions for emotional reasons. Since my husband has struggled with this addiction for 30~ish years, well before he had a sexual relationship with anyone, how can lack of sex be the culprit? I think it is more likely that he turns to pornography when he feels hurt. I know it can be hurtful for a partner to turn down my invitation.

 

Again, I am open for feedback! Am I totally off-base this time?