So in a brave attempt to communicate I asked my husband if he would please share some of his triggers with me.
Let me back up. The previous weekend we worked in the yard like plantation workers in early southern America. This weekend, when I inquired what we should do on Saturday he replied, “Not work in the yard.” So we played and shopped and after dinner sat down in front of the television to watch an old 80’s movie that had a pretty fleshy lovemaking scene. I had forgotten about that point in the plot.
Instead of my usual eye-rolling-totally-unrealistic attitude, I was completely panicked. What if this caused my husband to relapse?
I did not like his response: When we don’t make love often enough.
I kept a calm expression, apologized for not feeling amorous as often as he does, gave him some pointers on physical invitations that are guaranteed to get some action… and never mentioned how much I disagreed with him.
I believe we turn to addictions for emotional reasons. Since my husband has struggled with this addiction for 30~ish years, well before he had a sexual relationship with anyone, how can lack of sex be the culprit? I think it is more likely that he turns to pornography when he feels hurt. I know it can be hurtful for a partner to turn down my invitation.
Again, I am open for feedback! Am I totally off-base this time?