Till Death Do You Part… Unless You Are One of the 50%…

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My daughter recently became engaged. On the outside I said, “congratulations!” On the inside my heart skipped a few beats.

Ever since I discovered my husband was addicted to pornagraphy, I have been learning all I can. I have read on various websites that 70% of men 18-24 visit pornographic websites each month. As a mother, I want to protect my daughter! How do I ask her, “So, have you asked fiancé how often he looks at porn?”

Since my husband has not felt comfortable sharing his addiction with friends or family yet, my daughter doesn’t know. I am back to the point where I just wish he would tell everyone. It is one way to find out who his true friends are.

This week his parents came to dinner and asked if we were coming to the Father’s Day party next weekend with extended family at five. I confirmed we would be there, but would leave at 6:30 because we had a meeting at 7:00. Apparently his parents noticed from Mother’s Day and Easter that we have a lot of meetings Sunday night. When his mother inquired what kind of meeting it was, I looked at my husband at the BBQ on the other side of the sliding glass door, looked back into the faces of my dear in-laws that I love, and replied, “You don’t want to know.”

Sunday’s and Wednesday’s are group days. He goes to the addict group. I go to the support group. Do his parents want to know? Maybe. Does my husband want them to know? Probably not.

So we will continue to play this cloak and dagger game. I will pray for my husband to have the courage some day to be honest with the people who love him.

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4 thoughts on “Till Death Do You Part… Unless You Are One of the 50%…

  1. It’s astonishingly difficult to share this type of thing with others. I told my sister a month after disclosing to my wife specifically because she’s a therapist. I told my brother about a month and a half ago. My in laws already knew from a previous experience. They’re VERY loving and helpful. I’d rather die a horrible death than tell my parents. I told one of my sons because he asked why I’m so anti-porn. “Well, son, I was molested as a child, found porn in my dad’s dresser and was addicted to it from the age of 12. Now I get to go to meetings and therapy for all of that and I do to want my kids going through the same crap.”

    There’s no way I’d tell if I had a daughter. Maybe I would, I don’t have daughters, so I can’t imagine the dynamic.

    Porn addiction is exceedingly personal. If he was an alcoholic or addicted to heroin people would be understanding and not very judgmental. Porn addiction though, people lose their collective minds. Addiction is addiction and people don’t understand that. THAT’S why he can’t and almost certainly will never tell his friends. It’s possible his parents could even reject him over this. I would hope not, but it is possible.

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    • Thank you for sharing. I understand wanting to die a horrible death instead of telling my parents some of the stupid things I’ve done.

      I worry satan uses embarrassment to keep us from growing. If we are too humiliated to share we may think we are the only one who makes what we perceive as huge mistakes.

      I am so thankful for the 12 step program! At least addicts can share there.

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      • I TOTALLY agree that satan uses embarrassment to keep us from growing. There’s totally a blog coming on that!!!

        I used to hate 12 step groups. I’ve changed my tune. I completely agree with everything you’ve written here 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My daughter knows about my addiction. Unfortunately even at age 9 are children are at risk. She was at a friends house and their daughter had shown some stuff to her. Then she used my phone to look up stuff on youtube. We had a serious conversation to say the least.

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