You Can’t Give Me What I Want

Standard

(Rated PG-13 for Intimate References)

  
Even though the discovery of my husbands porn addiction has killed most of my desire for physical intimacy, I recognize its importance in a marriage, and purposely try to jump-start my desire regularly by:

* Recreating old romantic memories as a surprise 

* Reminiscing with him on date night about our favorite encounters

* Watching a sappy romantic movie in bed (kind of tacky, but simple to plan)

Our last intimate encounter began with gentle cuddling and kissing which slowly progressed to the point where both of us were ravenous. I gasped, “What do you want?” He replied, “You can’t give me what I want.”

  

(beeeeeeeep)

My husband and I are middle aged. He is not as lean as he used to be, and I have a knee injury. The knee makes it painful for me to ‘ride’, although I have played the cowgirl because he likes it. For the last year or so, though, he is too round for me to straddle him. A half-squat half-straddle gives me the traction I need, but is even more painful than than just trying to ride. We have talked about the pain of this position.

  
When I looked at him, he explained,“I want you to ride me, but you can’t do that.”

OUCH. Then why bring it up?  That’s like me telling him, “I want you to earn more money, but you can’t do that.”

This is where I’m supposed to describe what I have learned, and turn this post into a positive experience. This time, dear readers, the positive outlook will have to come from your comments. Although, as always, I welcome any comments.

Becoming Personal

Standard

One idea many addicts justify behavior with is, “It isn’t personal.”


Since physical intimacy in a relationship is personal… VERY PERSONAL… this is how a partners pornagraphy addiction becomes personal:

– when the addicts initiation of physical intimacy with his partner is consistently low because he is frequently satisfying himself.

– when the addict rejects physical intimacy invitations from his partner because he recently satisfied himself in the bathroom.

– when the addict can no longer be aroused by human interaction with his partner and invites digital partners into the bedroom.

My Sexy Side Packed Her Bags…

Standard

… And Went On Vacation Without ME!!!

Made with Repix (http://repix.it)

Yesterday my husband mentioned how long it has been since we made love. I was surprised at the length of time… not only because I generally have more of an appetite than he does… but because I hadn’t even noticed it had been so long.

When I first discovered he was a porn addict, some of our intimacy patterns suddenly made sense…

* His genitals are his only erogenous zone.
* Sometimes he is unable to achieve an erection.
* He avoids intimacy if he has been home alone for a while.
* Other times he said he had an orgasm, but his body gave no sign during lovemaking, and there is no evidence of ‘his seed’.

For the last two years while we both attended addiction recovery groups I fought really hard to at least maintain the physical intimacy we shared. However when I recently discovered he was REGULARLY relapsing, and lying about his sobriety date, something changed inside me.

image

Obviously it is important we share physical intimacy. It is just so hurtful that at bedtime he would rather roll towards the wall, put his earphones in so he doesn’t ‘keep me awake’, tell me he is listening to music on his iphone, and gorge on pornography instead 😨  More and more I find myself curled up alone on my side of the mattress.

I need an aphrodisiac.